sabato 18 agosto 2012

:(

Why... Why do you ignore me? Why are you lying? WHY?
You know I love you and if you do these things... you'll hurt me.
You know I'm sensitive... really sensitive! You know my situation...
But you... you're still doing it... You don't talk... God, this silence is killing me.
Why... Just... Why...?
Answer me...

....
Or am I being stupid trusting you? Dreaming about "us"? Loving you?
You... really hurt me and you're still doing it! Being ignored by the one you love is painful, but when you realize he's kidding you... is... is... Shit, I don't have words to explain it, I can't find a good enough adjective to describe how I feel when you're doing it.
I... really want to die... I really do. I'm immortal, so just kill me now.
When you'll kill me you'll realize this isn't Counter-Strike and I'm not immortal; I won't be alive anymore, I won't breath anymore, my heart won't beat for you anymore, ... I'm just... DEAD.
The problem now is that my love for you still survives even when I'm dead. Maybe with time it'll die too... Or maybe not... I don't know. All I know now is I'm dead.

...
No, wait. Life... LIFE! You won't win! I won't let it happen! I'm alive, still breathing, my heart is still beating for him, so... I'm alive. I mean, the body is 'cause my soul is lost... Lost forever.

mercoledì 15 agosto 2012

[EN]My eyes...

[EN]Everyone is against him... Especially my family, but I don't care. I'm happy with him. Mom wants me to end this "fake" relationship and she's trying to convince me. It's useless the fact you look for every "possible" reason of breaking up. Don't try to "open" my eyes. I'm smiling for the first time after 5 years and it's not a fake one. I'm smiling, I'm happy, I can see a future that doesn't include death (suicide), I believe in myself, I found a good enough reason to live for... And you want to destroy all these things. You want me to think again about the easiest way of killing myself, hiding my cries 'cause I don't want you to see me crying, screaming inside, feel dead,  try to commit suicide, praying for someone to help and save me, want to die, be depressed, be pessimist, making every stupid reason my life's aim and praying for life, listening everyday in every moment music, especially heavy metal because they scream for me when I can't, ... Should I continue ? Please, don't open my eyes, don't wake me up from my dream. Let me dream a little more...